Blankets around my shoulders and listening to music, I tried to puzzle out how to convince the local newspaper to hire me
Cigar advertising premium
more impactful than other methods.
You can get this information from the website of the Office on Smoking and Health of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)

The method of claim 19, wherein the ligand L 'used is a di-, tri- or tetracarboxylic acid selected from the group consisting of: C 2 H 2 (CO 2 H) 2 (fumaric acid), C 2 H 4 (CO 2 H) 2 (succinic acid), C 3 H 6 (CO 2 H) 2 (glutaric acid), C 4 H 4 (CO 2 H) 2 (muconic acid), C 4 H 8 (CO 2 H) 2 (adipic acid), C 7 H 14 (CO 2 H) 2 (azelaic acid), C 5 H 3 S (CO 2 H) 2 (2,5-thiophenedicarboxylic acid), C 6 H 4 (CO 2 H) 2 (terephthalic acid), C 6 H 2 N 2 (CO 2 H) 2 (2,5-pyrazine dicarboxylic acid), C 10 H 6 (CO 2 H) 2 (naphthalene-2,6-dicarboxylic acid) , C 12 H 8 (CO 2 H) 2 (biphenyl-4,4'-dicarboxylic acid), C 12 H 8 N 2 (CO 2 H) 2 (azobenzenedicarboxylic acid), C 6 H 3 (CO 2 H) 3 (benzene-1,2,4-tricarboxylic acid), C 6 H 3 (CO 2 H) 3 (benzene-1,3,5-tricarboxylate), C 24 H 15 (CO 2 H) 3 (benzene 1,3,5-tribenzoic acid), C 6 H 2 (CO 2 H) 4 (benzene-1,2,4,5-tetracarboxylic acid, C 10 H 4 (CO 2 H) 4 (naphthalene-2,3,6,7-tetracarboxylic acid), C 10 H 4 (CO 2 H) 4 (naphthalene-1,4,5,8-tetracarboxylic acid), C 12 H 6 (CO 2 H) 4 0 C 220 0 C

Clearly, you must be joking, because any PPV with the Shockmaster on it could never be bad